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- Make extensive list of things to pack for every member of the family.
- Attempt to assemble said items while kids “help”.
- Time trip so that child will sleep for bulk of the travel time.
- Resign yourself to signing nursery rhymes while child #2 screams.
- Forty five minutes into your drive, realize you forgot several essentials.
- Blame respective spouse on the issue while Amazon Priming items to your destination.
- Decide everyone is just really hangry and its time to stop.
- Realize after you’ve told kids you’re stopping to eat that you have passed the last viable exit for food for the next 50 miles.
- Panic when child #1 says they have less than 5% battery left on their device.
- Realize you now have to choose between giving up your phone for the remainder of the trip and giving up silence
- Now that you no longer have your phone, attempt to read the novel you purchased for all of your “downtime” this trip.
- Dig through your purse for Dramamine because you’re now car sick.
- Stop at gas station for gas, Dramamine and potty breaks.
- Tell children not to touch anything in the gas station restroom.
- Child 2 peeps through bathroom stall while you’re rushing to pee. Make mental note to google “symptoms of conjunctivitis”. Husband is using restroom alone.
- Spend $52 on gas station snacks and drinks.
- Spend 14 minutes scrolling through podcasts looking for something you and your spouse can agree on that is also child appropriate.
- Push play. Child #2 suddenly has pressing story to tell. Press pause.
- All children fall asleep. Briefly enjoy podcast in silence while sitting next to spouse. This is essentially a date.
- Arrive at destination 20 minutes after children sleep.
- It was bedtime but now children are refreshed.
- Keep children from destroying destination. If it’s a hotel, worry about noise complaints. If it’s an Air BNB, worry they’ll break things.
- Continue worrying and not sleeping for 7 days.
- Pack up to leave. Forget your phone charger.
- Repeat steps 1-19.