How To Roadtrip with Children: 25 Easy Steps

  1. Make extensive list of things to pack for every member of the family.
  2. Attempt to assemble said items while kids “help”.
  3. Time trip so that child will sleep for bulk of the travel time.
  4. Resign yourself to signing nursery rhymes while child #2 screams.
  5. Forty five minutes into your drive, realize you forgot several essentials.
  6. Blame respective spouse on the issue while Amazon Priming items to your destination.
  7. Decide everyone is just really hangry and its time to stop.
  8. Realize after you’ve told kids you’re stopping to eat that you have passed the last viable exit for food for the next 50 miles.
  9. Panic when child #1 says they have less than 5% battery left on their device.
  10. Realize you now have to choose between giving up your phone for the remainder of the trip and giving up silence
  11. Now that you no longer have your phone, attempt to read the novel you purchased for all of your “downtime” this trip.
  12. Dig through your purse for Dramamine because you’re now car sick.
  13. Stop at gas station for gas, Dramamine and potty breaks.
  14. Tell children not to touch anything in the gas station restroom.
  15. Child 2 peeps through bathroom stall while you’re rushing to pee. Make mental note to google “symptoms of conjunctivitis”. ┬áHusband is using restroom alone.
  16. Spend $52 on gas station snacks and drinks.
  17. Spend 14 minutes scrolling through podcasts looking for something you and your spouse can agree on that is also child appropriate.
  18. Push play. Child #2 suddenly has pressing story to tell. Press pause.
  19. All children fall asleep. Briefly enjoy podcast in silence while sitting next to spouse. This is essentially a date.
  20. Arrive at destination 20 minutes after children sleep.
  21. It was bedtime but now children are refreshed.
  22. Keep children from destroying destination. If it’s a hotel, worry about noise complaints. If it’s an Air BNB, worry they’ll break things.
  23. Continue worrying and not sleeping for 7 days.
  24. Pack up to leave. Forget your phone charger.
  25. Repeat steps 1-19.