The 10 Phases of Dieting After Children

A few girlfriends and I were talking about what we are doing to lose the baby weight and what we have done in the past that has or hasn’t worked and it made me laugh thinking about what a predictable cycle it can be…

Resolve

Enough is enough! I am doing this. We have a wedding/trip/anniversary/birthday. There will be photographs. Must. Lose. Double. Chin.

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Research

Okay, what is everyone on the Internet doing? Scrolls hashtags: #newmombod #postpartumweightloss #losingbabyweightafter3years

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Shopping

In order to lose the weight, I need all of the things. Weights. Shakes. Supplements. Give me one of each.¬†Shop the parameter. Trader Joes or Whole Foods only–regular grocery stores are a death trap of preservatives.

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Meal Prep

A crockpot full of shredded chicken. Diced veggies. Washed lettuce. Black beans on black beans. All. The. Rice.

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The First Morning

Here we go! We are locked and loaded. Bulletproof coffee. No breakfast–my eating window starts at 10. Headed out for a walk…feeling good.

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9 am.

Been up with the baby since 6. I. am. starving. Why does my husband have to have breakfast? Is he trying to sabotage me?

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10 am!

Time to eat! Don’t want to ruin all of this hard work with junk. Reaching for eggs, avocado and fruit!

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Lunchtime For The Kids

Jaxson left half a nugget. What harm could half a nugget do? ITS HALF A NUGGET. Dipped in ranch. Washed down the remnants of a juice box…

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Bedtime

We are a sinking ship. I am tired. If hearing “mama” burned calories, I would be strapping on some Victoria Secret angel wings. I want cookies. Wine with my husband: yes please!

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Acceptance

You know, I tried but honestly, I love my body. It’s fine. They make really cute clothes in this size. I will just go shopping. I need to model body positivity, anyway. I am so done with this.

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Wash, Rinse, Repeat–Am I right?!